Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Memorial Day!!

I finally have a minute to post something, WOOOWHOOO!!

First & most important of all, I MISS YOU ALL!!

I have been doing great!!

Ive managed to stay focused on trying to make myself better. I ve made a lot of changes, which include diet, different exercises, & keeping a positive attitude. It has taken a lot of effort & will to change things, & it has made a huge difference already.

I have been seeing new Doctors & taking some crazy tests. One test was very interesting, boring as all hell, but still interesting!! I had to sit in front of a Black & white checkered TV screen, while I had these things (wires) all over my head. It was kind of gross having gooey stuff all over my hair afterwards. But I managed to survive it, so its all good. Not to mention I dont think I have any blood left in my body after I saw the vampire. I see them every so often, UGH!! Anyways, Its been a very interesting few weeks for me, but thankfully things seem to be getting done. AS long as they get what they need to help me, I dont care what they do to me. Well there is a few things I wouldnt allow, but I wont go into any details, lol.

Other then all that I have been really focusing my energy on getting more stamina & better energy all around. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel & I do plan on getting there. So far I cant believe what a difference it has made just to be so focused on what I want to achieve. So far Ive tried to deal with not working anymore & its killing me financially. But in the long run I think its for the best. I do however plan on possibly going back, & I m hoping sooner then later. Its really hard not having the income I was used to having. So its a HUGE adjustment. I would like to start maybe going back by July sometime, but I m not pushing it. I just want to keep focused on other things before I jump back into something that could end up hurting me more then helping me. But all in all I am starting to feel so much better!!

On Memorial Day (Monday) I went & took a visit to my Grandparents grave site. I cant even begin to explain how much I miss them. My Grandma was always my rock & it sucks to need someone & they arent there. I know a lot of you completely understand what thats like. Also, how hard it can be without the ones you love when you need them the most. Life can be such a bitch sometimes!!

Anyways, I dont mean to get depressing here, I do hope everyone had a wonderful weekend & thanks for always wishing me well. I will be posting whenever I am able too & always know you all are in my thoughts & prayers. Do take care!!

Love always & forever, Mystical Me!!!!!!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

Friday, May 19, 2006

Take care everyone!! Be back soon!!

I am: Not going to be online for awhile so I can get some things done in my life, plus I have a lot of Doctors to see & test to take. I have to go out of town on a two hour drive to see this specialist. I m not sure how long Ill be there!!

I want: To get better!!

I wish: I was healthy & able to just be normal

I hate: Always feeling like shit

I miss: Be active everyday

I fear: Not knowing

I hear: The radio

I regret: Staying with that asshole for so long

I am not: Going to give up

I love: all my friends & family

I dance: as much as I can

I sing: Not usually

I cry: when I feel like giving up

I am not always: Nice, half the time I m a bitch

I make with my hands: Pictures, drawing, & paintings

I write because: I want too

I confuse: I need to be more optimistic about things

I need: To focus on my health & my boys

I should: Run today

I start: Swimming tomorrow, wooowhooo!! I got a pool today

I finish: Everything I start

I tag: everyone!

Take care everyone!! I will try to stop by everyones blog from time to time. When I get back I will post pictures of me & all the things I will be going thro while I m away.Outlaw, you & DP will be in my prayers. I will miss you all!! Love always, MM XOXOXO

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Driftwood horses

I saw these & I had to share them with you!! I hope all is well with everyone & do take care!!
Love always, MM XOXOXO

Monday, May 15, 2006


Last week I got an email from a long time friend of mine, name I will withhold, for the fact she might read my blog, but I will use her First Intitial N. through out this post. As you all may already know I was recently diagnosed with MS, so I honestly have to much on my plate already, so I didnt need any added stressors. Well what are long time friends for but to give you that added stress, & to place judgment on you for your sins or rather what they believe to be sins. Years ago N. was diagnosed with having Bipolar, so at times she can start something & even become very extreme with it. For years she has been on & off into religion. I guess you could call it going thro fazes. One min shes going thro an extreme sadness & then the next she is into religion so deep she pushes it down everyones throat. She also has this I m better then you attitude at times, which really makes it hard to talk to her about anything. Just an FYI, she now believes she no longer has Bipolar, so she now believes everything she is doing is AA ok. UGH!! She has also lost another friend over one of her religious episodes a year or so ago.
Anyways heres what happened. My friend N. sends me an email telling me she refuses to post my myspace profile on her profile because she doesnt want me to cause her other friends that she attends church with to sin. I m like WTF!! She tells me she thinks I should reconsider changing my photos because thats not who I am & it can cause someone to sin. She proceeded to tell me when she looked at my photo the spirit of lust came upon her. She also proceeded to tell me what she believes is in my heart & she wants me to change my ways etc etc. She also said that if I was living the right way the Lord would bless me & I wouldnt be sick. She also believes her hands can heal!! WTF!! I havent seen her in months almost a year now, so how she knows what I do on a daily basis is beyond me. How she knows whats in my heart is also beyond me. I did write her an email back saying if she thinks my pictures are sinful then I dont think she should step foot on the river or at the lake this summer, because someone might cause her to sin. I said woman I m in a swimming suit for Gods sakes. I could understand if I had my boobs out or something showing like that. I also said I sure hope you dont step foot outside in a bathing suit or that would make you look like a hypocrite. Oh but she plans on doing that, WTF!! I even wrote her saying that who gives you the authority to place judgement on me? Only the Lord has the authority to judge anyone, not her. She proceeded to write me back saying she does plan on being in a swim suit but with her she feels its more innocent then posing for apicture in it, WTF!! She also feels she does have the authority to place judgment on someone since she sees herself as being in a better place with the lord in her life, then others, UGH. Again WTF!! I asked her to love me for who I am & not for who she wants me to be. I also asked her to leave me alone if she cant stop judging me. So she proceed to send me even more emails telling me how shes right & I m wrong.
I love the lord & I dont do horrible things as a matter of fact I pray everyday. I dont always go to church but that doesnt mean I m not worshiping him on a daily basis. N, Doesnt know my heart so who is she to judge me, anymore then I can judge anyone else. So heres why I m even writing this post. I want to know if anyone knows how I could even talk to a person that is like this? Another FYI, she is on investigative leave from her work because she is doing this stuff at her job as well. She is send emails to people about her love for the lord & how everyone should follow her & her ways. This is just crazy!! I m sorry but I dont ever recall reading about Jesus forcing people to do his will. AS a matter of fact I dont ever recall reading he went around judging people either. I do remember reading that he shared his love to everyone including sinners. He showed them the way to his father, but he didnt do it in a bitter way like my so called friend N is.
Ok back to the questions: How do I get thro to her? If you all want me to post the emails I will if itll help me get some answers as to how I should talk to her. I do love her, but I cant be around someone who is going to always lay judgment on me. Also, another FYI about me, I havent been to work in along time, & I doubt at this point I will ever go back, & its because of many factors like my health. So she cant judge me for what I used to do as far as being a dancer. Not to place judgment on her, but she has done far worse things in her life then I have, so for her to do this to me is ridiculous. Anyways, can anyone please help me get through to her? I need some thoughts & opinions about this. Please help!!


Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Whats going to happen to me

Today Ive had the biggest shock of my life, Ill explain. Today at 2:30 pm I went to an eye Doctor for the first time in 9 years. I ll explain the history of my left eye & the diagnosis I got today.
Ive had problems with my left eye for a few years. I have seen about 2 different Eye Doctors in the past & they could never figure out what was wrong with my left eye. It was always a mystery since it would always come & go out of the blue, & for no apparent reason at all. It first started in Oct, of 1989, I can remember it as if it were just yesterday. It started out that I wasnt able to focus with my left eye, then it started to become very extreme at times to the point I wasnt able to focus at all. It started without any warning, & without any other symptoms at all. Then just as quickly as it started it went away, it disappeared without a trace. Then again in 1999 it started all over again, & again without any warning & without any other symptoms. Althought, this time it would come & go. When it would start again it would stick with me for weeks at a time, & then disappear & I would finally get some relief. Again I went to another eye Doctor at the time & after several tests later he said all he could think it could be was something called Nystagmous ( I m not spelling it right so please dont quote me on this). I was told nothing could be done about it, that it had to do with something wrong with the base of my brain. Then in 2001 I started feeling fatigued & then soon after that I began to be in pain. The pain seemed to increase over time. I went thro what seemed like hundreds of tests for more then a year & every specialist I saw all said the same thing. They believed I had Lupus!! I was diagnosed with an auto immune diease. I believed I had Lupus for years, I even took the meds for it for years. Although nothing ever seemed to help how I felt or anything else for that matter. Never once did I ever put two & two together, nor did anyone else until today. Just recently my eye seemed to get worse so I finally went to my Doctor about it. He filed a referel to an eye doctor. I had rescheduled for months until today. I just didnt see the point in going since I felt I already knew what was wrong & there was nothing that could be done about it, so why go was what I thought. Until It started getting so bad I could hardly drive anymore let alone work anymore. So today was the day I finally went, my appointment was today at 2:30pm. When I got there, I explained everything that had been happening to me for years & explain what the other doctor had claimed I had. He proceeded to run a bunch of tests on me without explaination as to why or what he was doing. He asked me about my history as far as any health problems & what medications I was taking. He then explained to me that the Doctor I had seen in the past was very wrong in his diagnosis. He proceeded to tell me that he has only seen this problem in MS patients & that he was going to be calling my family Doctor tomorrow to let him know his diagnosis. I was in shock, I wasnt sure at first what he was trying to tell me. So he told me bluntly you have MS. He is having my doctor send me to a specialist. I m thankful I finally know for sure what it is that is causing me all these problems all these years. But also I am so scared at the sametime. What does my future hold for me? Whats going to happen to me? All this time I thought I had Lupus, & here all along its been MS the entire time. I feel let down by all the doctors!! Whats going to happen to me? All I know is I am very frightened!!
Take care, MM XOXO

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

What rejected crayon I am

My life path is # 5

Your Life Path Number is 5

Your purpose in life is to live freely and collect experiences.

You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas.
You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms.
You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people.

In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long.

You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret.
Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs.
You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

What Is Your Life Path Number?

I stole this from Mr Green!! Yeah this is pretty close to being me, how funny.



Tuesday, May 02, 2006

How ro treat a woman/a man

How to treat a woman:
Wine her.
Dine her
Call her.
Hold her.
Surprise her.
Compliment her.
Smile at her.
Listen to her.
Laugh with her.
Cry with her.
Romance her.
Encourage her.
Believe in her.
Pray with her.
Pray for her.
Cuddle with her.
Shop with her.
Give her jewelry.
Buy her flowers.
Hold her hand.
Write love letters to her.
Go to the ends of the earth and back again for her.

How To Treat a Man:
Show up naked.
Bring chicken wings
Don't block the TV.

Monday, May 01, 2006


On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband
and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his
highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This scenario was
repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him
thinking that it was a
Cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that
she needed..

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her
husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained
that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing,
and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be
able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been
earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more that
thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million

Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank
which were worth $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the
largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for more than three decades she had "charged"
him for sex and invested the money. As a result of her dutiful saving and
investing, they had become wealthy beyond imagination.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million
dollars, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but when he
finally found his voice, he blurted out,
"If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!"
That's when she shot him.
You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths


Even if you can't SPELL you can still READ

More Brain Stuff . . From Cambridge University.

O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde

it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but
the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was

Interesting stuff if you ask me!! I am always making sure I spell things right, & after seeing this I m not sure it really matters, lol. Take care everyone!! Lvoe awlays, :) XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO