Wal-mart Humor!! :)
Dear Mrs. Fenton,Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causingquite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behaviorand have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of ourstores.
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble yourhusband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiledand are listed below.
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department
MEMOR: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has donewhile his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people'scarts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minuteintervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to therestrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's onlayaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told othershoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the beddingdepartment.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cryand asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as amirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked theclerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" usingdifferent size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, heassumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voicesagain!!!!"(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble yourhusband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiledand are listed below.
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department
MEMOR: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has donewhile his spouse is shopping:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people'scarts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minuteintervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to therestrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's onlayaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told othershoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the beddingdepartment.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cryand asks Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as amirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked theclerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the"Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" usingdifferent size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, heassumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voicesagain!!!!"(And; last, but not least!)
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited awhile; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
posted by Mystical Me at 4:35 PM
22 Comments:
I like number 5, 10 and especially 15.
Hey I’m going to bed just saw the stuff on Seth’s blog. There’s nothing that anyone can say anymore. I have already tried there. Don’t stress over this. Really that situation is getting to the point of insanity. Just let her talk. I’ve already told her what you said in an above post on Seth’s blog.
Hysterical!!
Was laughing to the point of tears when I clicked the comment link...sorry to read that chaos still reigns elsewhere!
I love you; you are much too wonderful to have to put up with this, though I don't know what anyone can do about it...
Although imsgining the Karma being generated is rather scary!
:o)
alan
That man is crazy!
Ha ha! the last one is the best! I'm going to do that!
too funny!
Ha! Makes me glad we don't have any Wal-Marts in San Francisco!
ha ha! that is hilarious!! love them
This is same the guy that sits on the toilets on display at the Home Depot reading the Sports Section, I suspect...
Hey Ceri glad to see you are blogging again. I have missed you please (if you want to)e-mail me at yahoo with your blog address. Hope to hear from you soon.
excellent, mm. thanks, love for the humor.
Funny stuff! Hope you're feeling better, I worry about you.
You need a lot more pictures of yourself up here....you're gorgeous!
mmm towelie
Too funny!
Men's answer to Maxine
> How many men does it take to open a beer?
> None. It should be opened when she brings it
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
> machine will probably never be able to support you.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
> them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> How do you fix a woman's watch?
> You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why do men fart more than women?
> Because women can't shut up long enough to
> build up the required pressure.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife
> is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
> The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> A woman who won't do what she's told
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> I married a Miss Right.
> I just didn't know her first name was Always.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
> a woman's sex drive by 90%.
> It's called a Wedding Cake.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Why do men die before their wives?
> They want to.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> Women will never be equal to men until they can
> walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
> gut, and still think they are sexy.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
> In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
> Then God created Man and rested.
> Then God created Woman.
> Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
> -------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi sweetie...those are hilarious! I think I've seen that guy..hmmm
Subject: Purina Diet
I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my two dogs and was in line to check out.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.
Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned and was that why I was in the hospital.
I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.
I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.
Sweetie, just wanted to make sure you're ok...I was thinking about you today.
hug :)
Very funny. I'm heading right over to my favorite Walmart to try some of these out.
MM: change of topic comment: Did you get in to see that special Doc yesterday (8/1)?? Hope so and if you did I hope it went well....
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